I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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