I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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