The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
