why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
