The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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