very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
