I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
