Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
