I hate all girls vehemently.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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