I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
