I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
