Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
