dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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