Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
