Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
