I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
