This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
