it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
