omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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