mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
