Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
