FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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