he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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