U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
