is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
