I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
