I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we should paint friendship bongs
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