Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
