my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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