my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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