In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
