Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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