I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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