There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
