My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
