I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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