Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
