White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
