The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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