I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
