he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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