Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
