apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you never un-have a 4some
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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