I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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