Your mouth is God's brothel.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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