Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
