check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you traded sex for a burrito?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
