Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
