why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
