I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
