well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
