I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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