So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Floor bacon is actually really good
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
