Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
