At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
